Intercepted Email From CEO Of Blossoming Mega-Corporation

WARNING:  Contains truthatoods and other factoids that may deter you from working your hardest at your shitty ass job.

Dear Employee,

I would like to thank you for all the hard work, long hours, dedication, and sacrifices you have made to help in my quest to line my pockets with gold.  You’ve made me an extremely wealthy man, and in the process I’ve fed you booze, teased you with hot girls, and given off the illusion that “we care.”  And boy did you buy it!  In fact, you bought it so much that I paid you as little as I could get away with; the bare minimum amount to keep you slaving away for my glorification.

To show my appreciation, I’m spending millions of dollars to throw myself a ridiculous, over blown, ego stroking party, where you’ll be able to stand at the base of a 15′ stage and worship me as I parade around as if I was a rock star.  But don’t even think of getting close to me, and it would probably be best to not make eye contact with me either.  I’ll rope off a special section for those suckers who paid to have the honor to lobby for my company so the laws would land in my favor and I could rake in even more money for myself.  Oh, and there’ll be plenty of booze on hand, but only the first two are free, the rest I’ll be making a huge profit off as you overpay for them with pleasure.

The best part of the party is, it doubles as a PR stunt and actually gets the media thinking that my company is a great exciting place to work!  Instead of sharing the wealth with the people who have worked hard to make me a filthy rich man, I’m spending it on myself.  Is that really a surprise?

Your’s Truly,

Egomaniacal CEO

p.s. Ha! Ha! Fuck you!

Head Down, Mouth Agape, Completely Checked Out

Let’s make this rule, a societal rule that it is unlawful to walk around unconscious.  Punishment: death, or at least a severe beating at the hands of everyone who isn’t “checked out.”

Let’s release some angry, hungry Lions, whose only hope of scoring a meal is taking down a weaker, fatter, slower human in a crowded mall.

Let’s make being fat, lazy, stupid, and/or unconscious a penalty, a disadvantage to simply being alive, a punishable offense.

Essentially, let’s stop catering to the weak, and start forcing everyone on this planet to be conscious, alert, and fit at all times.

Is this too harsh?  Is it unfair?  It definitely goes against the system, a system that has rules and laws in place to protect the weak.  A system that is built to keep people fat, lazy and dumb, consuming everything they come across without thought.  Hungry Lions don’t give a fuck, they just want to eat and survive.  A fat lazy human on the other hand?  What’s their need to exist?  What motivates you to keep on living?

A steady diet of video games, T.V. and electronic distractions are exactly what the system has in mind.  Keep stuffing horrible food down their throat and they’ll obey every command.  Keep promising “the good life” and they’ll keep showing up for jobs they hate and spend money on things they don’t really need for the opportunity that someday, they’ll be showered with money and pussy and will never have to try again…ever.

Or maybe I’m just projecting?  Perhaps there is no end goal or a destination that comes from walking around as a mouth breather.  It could be that you’re just born and raised to be a pawn, and that is ordinary, and beyond that you have no understanding.  So it is your life, all you know and ever will, which I suppose in a sense is just fine.  After all, I’ve always believed in the mantra “ignorance is bliss.”  Maybe self awareness is a trait we should strive to eliminate, so we become a collective.  Maybe that’s our destiny as humans?

Unfortunately, there’s no turning back once you come online.  Once the switch flips to bring you into awareness, there’s no turning it off.  The mouth breathers become apparent and stick out like Santa Clause dry humping a telephone pole.  You tend to notice things like that.

Forget 9/11, Really, Just Let It Go

You know who loves 9/11, just the fact that it happened and it was so tragic?  Corporations, the media, the military, and charities.  Those are the only organizations that benefit from death and destruction.  Terrorists love it too, both current and future.  They won.  We lost, and we, meaning you and I, the common man, continue to pay for it.

So let’s get rid of it.  Forget it.  Let it go.  Get over it. You can remember it, fine, and be conscious that it could happen again in the future, when all those new terrorists we’ve created over the last 10 years start coming of age.  If you lost someone, how was that any different than losing them in, say, a car accident?

Let’s stop allowing corporations and all the other benefactors of tragedy to associate their brand with our remembrance, our emotional connection to tragic events.  Because that’s what they’re trying to do, psychologically, subconsciously tie their products to our emotional connection to the event.  So whenever we think of 9/11, we’ll also think Verizon, or Budweiser, or State Farm.  I mention those companies because I just saw 9/11 inspired tribute commercials from them during the football openers.  Absolutely disgusting.  If they really cared and wanted to pay tribute then they wouldn’t have taken advantage of the tragedy and tried to tied their brand to it.

But their motivation doesn’t lay in actually paying a tribute.  It lay in connecting their brand in our minds with something emotionally powerful.  Every one of those piece of shit companies, and all the others, including the media conglomerates who are taking advantage of you and me, should be blown up, literally.  Of course, we can do the next best thing: stop consuming the garbage they’re trying to brainwash us into consuming.

America, Fuck Yeah!

The Pains of Being a Slave

There’s something demoralizing and humiliating when you have to ask your employer for time off.  It’s like a little kid who has to ask his mommy and daddy for permission to do something.  But it’s how the system works; you are your employers voluntary slave and they pretty much own your time.

How have we cornered ourselves into such an oppressive system?  How did it come to this?  Is it just a natural evolution from forced slavery?  Are people actually better off/happier giving up their lives to a corporation monarchy?

I fucking hate it.  I feel like a submissive bitch every time I have to “request” time off.

I guess it’s an exercise in control, demeaning you to begging for access to YOUR time, which they feel they own.  It’s putting you in your place, as the beggar asking the king to toss you a few scraps of leftovers.  Just like training a dog to be obedient, your master-boss revels in the delight of having almost absolute power of you.  Make no mistake about it, no matter how “nice” your boss is, he/she loves the power trip.

Time is the only thing we really have.  It’s the only currency that is consistent, that will never change.  Those that own the time of others are the powerful, the wealthy few who lavish themselves at the expense of the ignorant masses who think they’re getting a deal; sacrificing their time every day in exchange for a paycheck.  A paycheck that gets rapped by the very people who give it out.  A paycheck many use to try and emulate the bullshit lifestyle of the haves.

You may think this is just some whiny, whoa is me nonsense.  Fine, fuck you.  If you’re happy slaving away for someone else who will shit on you any chance they get, then have at you.  Most people remain ignorant, fat, dumb, and content.  Too lazy or scared to try and make a change.  Those are the folks that the system feeds off of.  The system loves a subservient, docile, well trained, obedient human who will do menial, degrading, labor for them so they can fund their own little kingdoms.

Fuck them.

A New Years Tribute

As a bona fide member of the super consumers group, I would like to express my gratitude for the scum of the earth that cook my food, drive my buses and cabs, sell me mass quantities of excessive food, or otherwise serve me on what most consider major holidays.  You are the foundation that makes the American consumer machine the super power it is; that will someday consume the earth whole.

Thank you all for making sure my needs are met on days when it’s apparent we think of you as lessor people, disposable in every sense.  I can feel the irony however, as I sense you laugh at me for being a spoiled, over privileged, fat piece of burden to this planet; a malicious bacteria that needs heavy doses of antibiotics.

Abundance isn’t my gift.  It’s my prison and ultimate painful death.

Happy New Years (why is it plural?)!!!

Chiefs Are The New Kings

Kings aren’t dead.  Far from it.  They are alive and well in the corporate world.  They have their own kingdom, their own rules, and their own slaves.  They rake in the loot generated off the backs of the drones, who make a teeny tiny fraction of the rewards.  They are not a family or a team, they are an organization of people, structured in a hierarchy, just like a kingdom.  Those towards the top get more and have special rules.  Those at the bottom settle for shit, and are usually treated like shit as well.  This is not a complaint.  It’s the truth.

Feeling Good About Making A Difference

Here’s a non-exhaustive list of ineffective, meaning minimally lifestyle invasive, ways of “making a difference” in the world:

• Recycling.  Simply throwing your empty plastic bottles and used newspapers in a bin labelled recycling is probably the laziest way known to man to make a difference.  But it gives you feel-good-juice and the illusion that you’re doing something about the side effects of consumption.  Damn the cost!  We want our hit of good feelings!
• Paying $2 to buy a pink ribbon to wear for breast cancer “awareness,” or any other “awareness” bullshit for that matter.  How does simply being aware of some horrific disease help to eradicate it?  Isn’t it far more effective to practice the known ways to prevent it from ever happening?  No, because then you’d actually have to get off your ass and do something about it, psychologically and physically.  It’s far easier to plop down $2 and pin a ribbon to your chest for a month or participate in a 2 hour “walk for the cure,” then go about your business hoping that something comes along that doesn’t make you have to change.  Has all that money and time spent trying to find a cure been effective (“cure” being the lazy (wo)man’s plan for health)?  About as effective as the war on drugs has been.
• Buying a hybrid vehicle.  Isn’t this the ultimate in feeling good about making a difference?  Not only are you consuming less fuel, you’re polluting the environment less than the other guy in the Hummer, and making him feel guilty at the same time.  Doesn’t it feel good knowing that you’ve taken the burden of the world being consumed by pollution off your shoulders and placed it on someone else’s?  And, you still get to engage in your destructive lifestyle to boot!  What a bargain!  Pretentious-snot-nose-difference-maker to the world: “Whew! Now we don’t have to worry about that any more.  It’s someone else’s problem now!”
• Dropping your loose change into the “Make A Wish” jar at your local Wal-Marts.  The selling point of most charities is not actually making a difference or putting the money donated towards real, effective action (the keyword being effective).  People don’t give a fuck what happens to their money once it leaves their hands.  All they care about is that short surge of feel-good-juice they get from thinking they are doing stuff to make a difference.  Now they can tell all their friends and family they have contributed to the betterment of society and be on the merry way.  “Make A Wish” is only an example.  This applies to ALL charities.
• Taking a “diet” pill or buying an exercise machine or gym membership to “get healthy.”  There are many factors that contribute to health.  Fitness is one.  So is a healthy weight.  Simply buying a pill, powder, or other concoction and thinking you’re doing something about your weight is an illusion.  It makes you feel good, because you don’t have to take the all critical, difficult action necessary to actually change your lifestyle for the better.  That’s much, much harder than popping a pill and going on your merry way.  Oh, and having that exercise machine sitting in the corner puts you one step closer.  Doctors and nutritionists are the enablers, and bank on you not taking real action so they can keep pumping you with complete crap.  They’re the ones raking in the cash from this bullshit, to the betterment of their bank account, not your health.

Here’s the exhaustive list of effective, meaning maximally lifestyle invasive, ways of truly making a difference in the world:

• Stop consuming.  100%.  Rip all your clothes off and disconnect yourself from the economic matrix that has you, move back to the jungle, your natural habitat, and live in the wild.  It’s the only true way to make a real difference.  Everything else is just feel-good-juice masturbation.
• Die.

If you’re not prepared to engage in one of the effective models, then it’s best to not even give a fuck.  Recycling is ridiculously expensive and has no hope of reducing the side effects of our lifestyle (trash, pollution, disease, etc).  “Fighting” cancer using monetary weapons hoping for a magical cure someday is no different than throwing your money in a drainage ditch and making a wish upon a star.  Helping kids by giving celebrities money to visit them as they lay dying in the hospital is, well, fucking stupid.  And leaning your hopes for health on the medical establishment makes you a fucking lazy, piece of shit dumbass.  The only real reason to buy a hybrid is to save money on gas and get the tax write off.  You aren’t any closer to saving the environment by polluting it less.  Zero pollution, zero consumption is the only truly effective method.

Stop giving to charity and stop leaning your hopes for a better world on a proxy.  Bottom line:  accept the consequences of your consumption; save your money and time trying to balance it out so you don’t feel guilty.  Ignorance is no excuse.  Simply relying on popular media to deliver your information is a form of retardation.  Find the truth.  You’ll know when you see it because it will be simple, relatively free and click with your common sense (if you still have any left).