Just Because You’re Popular Don’t Mean You’re Good
Posted: January 15, 2012 Filed under: Misc, Uncategorized Comments OffHave you heard the new single from the freshly reunited Van Halen with David Lee Roth? It’ll only take about 10 seconds to figure out it sucks balls and that most likely the rest of the album will suck balls as well. Not to mention how tired Van Halen has become since 1984 through the Van Hagar years.
The most interesting thing about Van Halen is they were more popular (i.e. sold more records) as the one dimensional Van Hagar than as the original with DLR. Why?
I think it’s two things. First, they were more generally appealing as Van Hagar, writing more radio friendly songs and not being even remotely experimentally, unlike the original, more dynamic version. Second, they found the winning formula with 1984, which rocketed them into popularity.
But there’s something more interesting going on here. As the edgy, often times experimental Van Halen, they were a better band. And by better, I don’t mean more musically gifted. Rather, they had a rabid fan base that anticipated every record, every single, and every concert they produced. They looked forward to it and was willing to plop down money to be a part of it. Sure they didn’t make as much money or sell more records or get more radio play, but they had something going that could’ve lasted a very long time, something that Van Hagar destroyed the second they formed.
There’s a big difference between making a record for your truly rabid fans and the general masses. As a rabid fan, you want them to be pushing the envelope, even if they go a little too far and it’s unlistenable. You want them to experiment with different styles, different sounds, different instruments even to try and go beyond what you’ve heard from them before. It’s not always going to work, but your loyal, rabid fans will most likely support you through it, unless, of course, you shit in their mouth and keep producing crap.
Or you shit in their mouth by becoming hugely popular, which is exactly what Van Hagar did.
I’m not saying they sold out. They couldn’t have, because how could they have known that Van Hagar would be more popular than the original? But what happened did destroy them, creatively, musically, and financially. They became hugely popular and as a consequence, they became a commodity.
When you’re making a record for the general population, you can’t be experimental. You can’t push the envelope, because if you fail, that’s it, people will jump off the bandwagon and abandon you. So in order to continue the level of popularity, you have to keep churning out the same hit (garbage) and keep following the formula and keep appeasing to the executives, the distributors (radio in this case), and the generic housewife who just a few years early, had no idea who you were.
And the worst part of all, when you reach a level of general popularity, nobody cares any more. Even though they’re buying the album and going to your concerts, they don’t care. Because when you eventually fizzle out, when your formula becomes old, they have something else to glom onto, the next big thing. There’s always someone on your heals who can follow the same formula, except they’re younger, better looking, more appealing, fresh, etc. When that happens, you’re toast. Career over. It’s very hard to recover once you’ve been tossed aside.
Bands achieve longevity by flying under the radar and appealing to their core rabid fans. As a result, they become richer than any megastar super band. The lesson here? At all costs, don’t become a commodity, build something that a handful of people care about and the rest will fall into place.
Christmas Is Over, Forget The Poor
Posted: December 26, 2011 Filed under: Misc Comments OffNow that Christmas has passed, we can all stop giving a shit about the poor and unfortunate for another year. As long as they get fed and have a few shitty toys for their kids to open on Christmas, that’s really all that needs to be done. They should be good for the rest of the year.
If you went down to the Wal-Marts and bought a cheap ass toy and put it in the little collection box at your job, then you can feel good knowing you made the most minimal effort possible to help someone celebrate Christmas. And who knows if those toys actually make it into the hands of kids whose parents really can’t afford it (or they get sold on ebay, or they’re given to kids who don’t really need it).
It’s all good now though, we can go back to forgetting about them. I’m sure they’ll be around next year.
How To Punish Your Customers, The People Who Pay For Your Palaces
Posted: December 16, 2011 Filed under: Misc Comments OffDRM is your punishment for being a paying customer. It’s certainly not meant to deal with actual criminals; they’ll get around it regardless. Rather, DRM is the proverbial guilty until proven innocent. And more like guilty until proven guilty, because you’ve already given money for the piece of shit zeros and ones, now it’s simply a matter of time before you break the law by breaking the fucking DRM, so you can use the piece of shit zeros and ones as you see fit. It’s yours after all.
Or maybe it’s time to just stop fucking giving money for the piece of shit. BitTorrent, I hear, is a snazzy little piece of software goodness that allows you to…you fucking know what it does. I think “stealing” it, then donating some money directly to the artist is a good system.
So far in my lifetime, I’ve paid for and downloaded one movie from iTunes, Louis CK’s Hilarious. It’ll be the last, because now I have to join the digital criminal underworld to break the fucking DRM so I can consume it as I please.
Thank you God for giving us greedy corporate America.
Osama Bin Laden Is Dead, Let’s Throw A Kegger!
Posted: May 2, 2011 Filed under: Misc Comments OffWhat would’ve happened after Sept. 11, 2001 had we, the United States of American, done what is preached to do when someone tries to pick a fight with you, turned the other cheek? Just let it happen, denounce it, then get busy strengthening our borders so shit like that doesn’t happen again.
The problem with launching a war with those idiot towel heads is that’s what they want. Terrorism is built around the idea that doing the outrageous and suckering people into the game is the whole point. It’s not about trying to win or defeat their enemy, it’s about strengthening their numbers, which they’ve succeeded in doing, and will continue to do from this moment forward, and we helped them all along.
Congratulations war mongers. Osama Bin Barrack is almost guaranteed to get reelected now. He delivered what Bush couldn’t. Now, there’s cheering morons outside the white house like we just won world war III. Believe this, we haven’t done anything. If anything, terrorist grow stronger with his death. Christianity never would’ve evolved into what it is today had Jesus Christ not been crucified. Had they let him live, those religious outliers following his teachings would’ve not even registered a fart in the annals of history. I’m not saying Osama Bin Laden is Jesus-like, but to his followers and the people who believe in him, it can only make them more intent on our destruction.
Had we just let Obama, I mean Osama, be and die on his own accord, we may not face near the wrath that is most likely brewing with the terrorists now. We haven’t done anything but stoke the fire.
Way to go USA! You can go back to guzzling your beer and consuming the Earth.
80s Pop Music Is For Homos
Posted: January 15, 2011 Filed under: Misc Comments OffChromeo is unapologetically retro 80s pop trash. That’s their bit. And I like it, to a point.
I hated 80s pop music. Even though I was just a kid, there was something inherently wrong with a bunch of dudes dressed like bitches whining about their girl problems. And they were so god damn serious. How can you take a grown ass man wearing boas and makeup and flopping around like a bitch in orgasm seriously?
That’s why I think I like Chromeo. At times they seem to be mocking that whiny 80s garbage, and themselves at the same time. They are a little edgy, if that can even be said of a band dedicated to resurrecting that awful 80s shit. And they are way more masculine than their 80s cousins. I would imagine if they all ended up in prison, the dudes from Chromeo would be fucking the homos from the 80s in the ass.
Pop music is shallow by nature. There’s no room to grow. It’s disposable nonsense. It’s manufactured, not created. Just follow the formula and you’ll be a success, if only for 10 minutes. That’s usually all it takes to rake in big piles of cash and then retreat into a flurry of spending everything you’ve earned. Then one day, you wind up on “celebrity” rehab.
You and me can’t reap this kind of success though. We’re not good looking enough. We’re not marketable. If you watch American Idol closely, the best singers hardly ever win. Because it’s not about real talent. And the best singers aren’t the ones who are technically perfect. It’s the ones who actually understand music and are creative without the need of a pre-composed “hit.” In other words, they’re not just factory workers, they’re factory builders.
It’s all about popularity. That’s why it’s called pop. Justin Bierber is following the George Michael path. He’ll wind up blowing some guy in a dirty, shit riddled stall in an anonymous park in the heart of gay-ville in whatever city he lives in. But right now, he’s hot as shit to the little crying bitches who haven’t got their period yet. And once they do, they’ll realize what a whiny fart he really is and discard him for more masculine pursuits.
So he follows the path of all those 80s fags who I can only imagine these days are sitting around shaking their head and wondering why they decided to take the low road. If they were wise, money is their answer, because they still got some. If not, re-read the part about Burbur.
Improving The NFL
Posted: October 3, 2010 Filed under: Misc Comments OffFuck 18 games. Burning player’s careers out sooner is not the answer. It may lead to short term revenue, but long term it’s detrimental.
There are a couple of much simpler, much more effective means of improving the NFL product without jeopardizing the longevity of star players, and may lead to greater revenue and more opportunity in the long run.
First, make all games more available. Instead of giving Direct TV, which has a tiny market share, exclusive rights to Sunday Ticket, make it available to all premium providers. Better yet, create a proprietary product, like Apple TV, and sell it. Then, each game could be bought individually or packages could be purchased to meet the viewers “needs.” For example, I don’t care about watching all games every week, but I do care about watching the Cowboys every week. Since I don’t live in Dallas, I would be willing to pay a premium to guarantee all Cowboys’ games are available, without having to sit in front of my computer. I would even be willing to pay for a fantasy package, where I could program in my fantasy players and get real time stats, personalized for me, right on my TV.
Second, add one more game to the lineup on Sunday afternoons. Fuck giving one network exclusive coverage every week. Put the onus on the network to cover games better by creating a little competition. Why continue to punish fans just so the networks get their fair share? And while we’re at, get rid of the stupid rule that the network can only stay with “bonus” coverage until 15 after the hour. Let the networks decide which games they want to broadcast and when.
Third, put a voting system in place. I’m not sure if it’s the NFL that decides which games are shown or it’s up to the networks, but why even let them make that decision? Why not put that decision in the hands of fans by creating a voting system? The NFL could segment the country into markets. Actually, they probably already have this in place. So fans could go online, register for an account, be placed into the appropriate market, and then be allowed to vote every week for which games they want to see on Sunday. And the rule is, if a game gets out of hand and one team is winning by 3 touchdowns or more by the start of the fourth quarter, then the network has the option of switching to the next highest voted game. Of course, this rule would be irrelevant to those of us who spring for the premium coverage. I like watching every tick of Cowboys games, whether they’re getting beat by 40 or winning by 40.
Finally, change the rule regarding local market coverage. I live in Scottsdale, so I’m subjected to Cardinals games every week. But I’m not suggesting taking off the local coverage. It’s important to force networks to show the local teams, simply for advertising and revenue reasons. However, enforce the rule above by giving the networks the option of switching to the next highest voted game in the queue if the game is “out of hand” by the start of the fourth quarter. You could even increase the mercy rule to 4 touchdowns and only if the home team is getting beat AND there’s another game that received more votes for that time slot. This still gives the home team penetration but doesn’t punish the football fan for being a fan of a shitty team. And for those hardcore folks out there, like me, who like watching their team through thick and thin, it’s more incentive to buy the premium package.
The NFL already has a great product, and there’s much more simpler means of monetizing what they have than trying to shoehorn two more games into an already lengthy season. The suggestions I’ve made reward us fans without being invasive to the players. I think if you ask any fan how the NFL could improve its product, you’d get a lot of “give me more of it” answers or “allow me to watch what I want to watch”. I’m willing to pay to get the coverage I want, but unfortunately, I don’t have a means. The NFL has made sure to exclude 80%+ of its market from getting more.
Oh, and I’ll still have the complaints of “give me more of what I want to watch” even if they decide to go to 18 games, because it’s not simply a matter of quantity, but one of quality as well. And the only person who can decide what quality means to me, is me. Just provide me the means and I’ll make sure to put my money in your pocket.
The Aerosmith Syndrome And The Gym
Posted: July 10, 2010 Filed under: Misc Comments OffI hate Aerosmith. I also hate going to the gym. Not because I don’t like to work out, but because there’s always a handful of douchebags in there trying to out muscle everyone else. I’m surprised more people aren’t injured from some of the nonsense I’ve witnessed. Here’s a tip for all you wanna be meat heads: if you have to arch you back, hold your breath, scrunch your face, and grind your feet into the ground just to do a bench press, you’re using way too much fucking weight. I hope you die.
Anyway, I’ve never understood the popularity of Aerosmith. No talent. No songwriting ability. Nothing but a bunch of fags jumping around to cheesy, over processed crap they consider music. Yes, I am fucking bitter that a handful of homos got lucky and become rock stars. Really, before about the year 2000, we didn’t have much of a choice when it came to music. We listened to whatever the record companies rammed down our throats. I’d like to seem them fags do it now, in the age of dying “traditional” media.
The thing with Aerosmith is that they don’t know when to stop. They can write a good hook, but then that’s it. With most bands, the formula is verse, chorus, verse, bridge, chorus, done (really good musicians don’t need to follow this pattern though). With Aerosmith, it’s verse, chorus, verse, some cut ‘n paste guitar solo, chorus, chorus, chorus, chorus, chorus, chorus, chorus, chorus, chorus, chorus, chorus, chorus, chorus, chorus, chorus, chorus, chorus, chorus, chorus, chorus, chorus, chorus, chorus, chorus, chorus, chorus, chorus. Over and over and over on an infinite loop until finally there’s no more tape (or in these days, hard drive space). Every time I hear an Aerosmith song come on, I start wishing hard for a piano to just fall from the sky and kill me. It’s torture. I would happily sacrifice 1 year off the end of my life to never, ever hear an Aerosmith song again (same goes for anything AC/DC post Bon Scott).
What does Aerosmith have to do with the gym? Nothing. I just heard an Aerosmith song while working out and thought about taking my own life with a barbell, or I could’ve just gotten close enough to the guy throwing around 285 lbs he couldn’t handle on the bench, or pick a fight with the meat head girl with shoulders broader than mine who probably fucks the guy she’s working out with in the ass.
Push Button, Receive Bacon
Posted: July 2, 2010 Filed under: Misc Comments OffThis makes me giggle so hard…
